Be Not Afraid

You are stronger than you know: A pep talk

Illustration by Cynthia Marinakos.

Ah

Beh

Seh

Deh

Uh

Eff

I stammered. My heart clenched tightly between my teeth. My cheeks beet red, pounding with embarrassment. Willing it to be over so I could sit down, all eyes turned to someone else.

This was me reciting the French alphabet in high school.

Too. Much. Attention.

This was me whenever I had to present anything. Whenever I had to answer a question at school. At uni. At work.

I wanted to run and hide under my warm, dark covers with the company of a book. That was much better than being stared at by a bunch of people.

I used to think if I remained quiet I could be invisible.

But that doesn’t work. It never worked.

Let the world see you.

I sit here thinking. Wondering. Planning. Dreaming.

Yet I do nothing.

I am afraid.

Afraid to really go for great things. To show myself and find that I really am not enough. Afraid I am not smart enough. Afraid I will be laughed at. Afraid that I’ll sound stupid. Afraid…